Many women pass up really good guys because they have totally false impressions and unrealistic expectations about love.
As ridiculous as all this may sound, it’s true!
Check out these 10 BS facts about love everyone thinks are true. Once these myths are busted, you’ll hopefully have a less prejudiced, more grounded attitude towards love and relationships. 🙂
1) Love (the romantic kind of love) is a requirement for happiness:
Women feel that in order to be happy, they NEED to love and be loved back in return. Romantic love is by no means a pre-requisite for happiness. You can find happiness by loving yourself, your job, your hobbies, your pets, your parents, siblings, your car, loving people in general…..you get the idea. You do not need a man in your life to be complete. Sure, a loving man can greatly enhance your happiness, but you can definitely have a fabulous life without a man too! It is only when you learn to be happy without NEEDING a man when you’re most likely to meet Mr. Right!
2) Jealousy and Drama are not bad – In fact, they are genuine indicators of love:
You got the genuine indicators parts right. However, Jealousy and drama are not signs of love, but of insecurity and the lack of love!
Consider the following scenario:
A woman who is TRULY confident about herself is probably chased around by men wherever she goes. She has plenty of very high quality options. If a guy talks to her, she can stay focused and handle herself very well. She is the buyer, not the seller. She doesn’t feel jealous if the same guy interacts with other women! She probably does not even realize that he has gone.
There are plenty of other people to keep her company. If the girl’s boyfriend chats with other women, she is not ruffled by it because she has confident and trusts her relationship.
Now imagine an insecure girl in the same situation:
She craves attention because she doesn’t get enough of it. If her boyfriend doesn’t text her back in a few seconds, she gets all worked up. She becomes flustered and causes a lot of drama – she begins calling all his friends and then shames him for being irresponsible. She’s like a poison drip for the guy and he is bound to eventually leave her. Jealously and drama gets you nowhere – it just pushes the guy further away from you.
3) Marriage is the ultimate goal of love!
The institution of marriage is projected in very good light – all across the globe. However, that doesn’t mean that it is right for you and your relationship.
For many free spirited people, marriage feels like a burden. They are not keen only loving one and only one person till death does them apart. To them, it feels stifling – like eating the same dish or wearing the same clothes every day. If they really like the dish, they might end up eating it every day but when their options are restricted to one dish only – they begin to find it repulsive!
Now love is more complex than food and clothes – but I want to provide a relateable analogy.
You might absolutely love potato chips – but how would you feel about them if they were the only thing that you could eat till your death? How would you feel if everybody began to shame and judge you for looking at bacon when you swore to eat chips till death? I repeat, I totally understand that chips cannot be likened to your life partner but my goal is just to help you see things from a different perspective and ask yourself these questions:
- Do you really feel the need to get married?
- Do you think that it will be better for your relationship?
- Does your partner think and feel the same way?
If yes, go ahead and get married by all means.
However, in my many years of experience as a dating coach, I have noticed that most women get married just because of peer pressure and because they have been brainwashed into thinking that it is the ‘RIGHT’ thing to do.
If you’re getting married just because your friends are doing so, you need a reality check!
Monogamous marriage is not the ultimate goal of love – your love can blossom into anything you wish – be it a live in relationship or an open relationship. Get in touch with your own feelings rather than trying to fit into what society believes is good for you. Please don’t get married just to feel accepted socially. There is a reason why half of all marriages in the USA end in a divorce – because of false beliefs and expectations about love and marriage!
4) Once you meet the ‘ONE’, you will know it instantly!
Ha ha ha – good luck with that. I always tell my students – Love is not something that happens in an instant. It is an ongoing process, not an event. There are defining moments in every relationship – but it is the overall experience that matters more.
5) Love is all you need to make a relationship work:
Love is a key ingredient yes – but it is not enough. Your life goals, value systems and intrinsic natures also need to be in alignment. It is very common to come across couples who love each other a lot but they fight and argue all the time. Your love is pretty much useless if it provides nothing but stress and emotional scarring.
6) First love is the best, purest, most emotionally charged form of love.
No other relationship can be better than first love: Total BS! By comparing your current relationship to your first love, you are sowing a seed of doubt that will ultimately cause dissatisfaction, mistrust and a failed relationship. First love is a significant milestone but its importance is blown way out of proportion. Consequently, it begins to have a negative impact on subsequent relationships.
7) If you both love each other, you’ll live happily ever after:
Sorry I Have to laugh at this one a little bit. Relationships are hard work. You have to strive continuously to make them pleasurable. Attraction sparks up and fades depending upon your actions. If you neglect your relationship – it will not last.
8) Once you are engaged or married – you’ve won!
Nope, your long, arduous journey has just begun. People begin to get careless once they know that they have their partner tied down. They don’t try as hard to impress them, they dress sloppily, they speak and behave in an unattractive manner. It is just like buying your dream car – initially, you will service it regularly and shine it every day. After a few years, you will get callous with it – it’ll sit in your garage accumulating dust and getting rusty. If you don’t ‘service’ your relationship with positive experiences, dates, romantic gestures, continuous care etc, you will lose it.
9) Marriages (and relationships) are made in heaven. Love is a matter of destiny.
This becomes a classical excuse for people who are not successful at dating. They blame it all on the heavens. You can only succeed at dating by learning, improving and practicing social skills. You will have to put in a lot of effort into your physical appearance as well. So quit making excuses and remain accountable for your (lack of) actions.
10) Love is a constantly feeling of ‘being high’:
This is partially true. actually, lol. Experiments have proven that the human brain reacts to the mystery and excitement of a new partner just like it does to cocaine.
Not surprisingly, falling in love with a new person feels wonderful!
However, after a while, we become used to this person (novelty wears off) and hence we no longer experience the cocaine like high. Many people become addicted to the process of falling in love and keep craving it all the time. As a result, they change partners frequently and are dissatisfied with their life.
Understand that love is not a continuous high – it is more like a sense of contentment and peace. Both partners have to strive hard to create unique experiences for each other and induce the elusive ‘high’ often!
Hopefully, you now have a clearer outlook towards love. Remember, it takes effort and discipline to find and maintain love. It is not just a matter of luck. Do everything to make yourself desirable and focus on creating an exciting lifestyle! The rest will fall into place.