Why do men pull away? Well, as you know…men can be crazy at times. On the surface, their avoidance to commitment seems silly and frustrating. But if you dig a little deeper, you will gain some prettttttty interesting insight into the male mind.
Why Do men pull away and what you can do about it?
There are two types of men – lovers and providers:
- Lovers are dashing, sexy, good looking, driven guys who date and romance a lot of women. Women find these guys to be incredibly attractive because they are direct, unapologetic and because they have plenty of options.
- In contrast, providers live far less exciting lives but they offer stability and loyalty. Women are not all that turned on by providers, but they settle for them since lovers are usually not loyal, stable or family oriented. In an ideal scenario, women try to find a man who has the qualities of both the lover and the provider.
Lovers constitute only about 1 to 3 percent of the male population. All the others are mainly providers. As you very well know, just about men (both lovers and providers) have an deep down desire to “be with” numerous women. Believe it or not, whether they know it or not – this is driven by their wanting the maximum chance to dominate the gene pool. Simply put, a man is programmed by nature to have as many kids and grandkids as possible. A woman is programmed to find an attractive man who is willing to stick around and help her raise the kids.
For a man, it makes absolutely no sense to have just one partner for a lifetime. At best, he can father just one child per year with a single partner. However, if he has multiple partners – he can father dozens of children. Women don’t want their men to have multiple wives/partners – since they want all of the man’s attention and help in raising the family.
BUT BUT BUT… Before you get pissed off and go storming off, please understand…
Today, we live in a different world with a different value system.
Feel better yet? 🙂
The constant endorsement of the institution of marriage by religious and government agencies for thousands of years has had a definite impact on the minds of men.
Today, most men are not crazy about having hundreds of children in their lifetime. They want to find true love and settle with one woman. Still, the genetic programming rears its head once in a while and causes men to have second thoughts about marriage and commitment in general. Love makes men feel vulnerable and hence they pull away.
So what can you do when YOUR man starts to pull away?
1) Understand that it is totally natural for a man to pull away. Some men become distant for a couple of days even after 20 years of marriage. Don’t freak out. Just relax and let him have his space. He needs to feel free and relaxed at this time.
2) Create tension – do not diffuse it: As a woman, your first reaction when a man pulls back is to reach out to him.
I know many woman who get incredibly worked up and insecure when their men don’t call or see them for a couple of days. They call their men incessantly, they send tens of text messages and make random visit to their man’s workplace or home. They call up his buddies and ask them what’s wrong. They act like neurotic freaks!
When you pressure a man like this – it drives him further away. He feels that being with you is not his choice and that he is in a forced relationship. He begins to feel that he is losing his freedom and that you will constantly nag and pester him for the rest of his life!
So instead of reaching out towards your man, simply stay where you are. Imagine a rubber band that is firmly attached to a pole. When you pull on the band, the tension causes it to snap back to the pole.
Now imagine what happens if the pole began to move towards the rubber. The tension is diffuses and the band does not snap back to the pole. In a real life scenario, you are the firm pole, your relationship is the rubber band and the person pulling the rubber band is the man.
When you move towards your man, you come across as unattractive, needy and insecure. When you stand your ground, he begins to crave you and perceive you as highly desirable.
3) Give him a reason to stay: Do not nag or taunt him when he comes back to you. Stay positive, even if you are angry.
Instead of saying:
- Why didn’t you call me?
- Who were you out with?
Say something positive like:
- It’s great to hear from you.
- Did you miss me?
Give him an incentive to stay committed to you. If you remain calm and collected, he’ll think that you are slightly indifferent and will try harder to impress you!
Remember, if a man loves you – he WILL come back. But he needs to feel that it was his choice to return – not yours!
4) Want more?
Check out this FREE Video: What Men Secretly Want. I know you’ll learn alot from it! 🙂